ibpatti32's Cancer Blog
November 16, 2008
| You are all an amazing group of caring friends--THANK YOU | Views: 90 |
I haven’t been online in a few weeks. What started as a low grade fever, turned into a bad cold, it was bad enough that I had to go to the DOC. During the exam he said that he didn’t like the sound of my lungs so, straight to Radiology I went, after going to the lab. And, yep, I had pneumonia…. Here, I thought I would be there for a few hours and I ended up staying 2 very long weeks.
I have been doing alot of thinking,,, I feel as though I was being selfish and unable to adjust to this new chapter in my life. And, by asking my wonderful friends if they would like a guest ( like the relative that shows up and you can’t wait for them to leave). I am ashamed of myself for everyone here is going through their own battles. After I posted it and I got some wondnerful and heartwarming invitations it really touched me. For these amazing people to open their home to me on Thanksgiving is very emotional to me. After reading of Gemma’s losing her battle, this has really made me look at the bigger picture. I think if I am well enough I need to go volunteer to feed the homeless. Perhaps that will be a start in my selfishness. Please forgive me, but to adjust to a complete empty nest is harder than I ever imagined. Yesterday I woke up @ 4am thinking,” Oh my gosh, Laura’s dress isn’t ironed for school and the boys’ pants aren’t pressed, and what am I going to fix for breakfast. SO, I jumped out of bed and it wasn’t until I went into Laura’a room and opened her closet ( I think that I was half sleepwalking until that point)Then when I saw none of her clothes in her closet and she wasn’t in her bed, I was still confused and ran into the boys room where the bunk beds were gone, then I realized,” My kids are all grown up”. I didn’t need to iron or worry about breakfast. It was a big jolt, a wake up call of sorts that I guess I needed. There was no one here that depended upon my care any longer,,,,,,, almost no reason to get out of bed. No, I refuse to stay in bed, It was a beautiful but very chilly day and I took Maggie Mae to her discipline class which she loves and she loved making friends with the 100#plus dogs, being all frisky and the size of some of these dogs could take her in one bite but they are all well disciplined and as long as we saw those tales wagging we knew they were playing. I really enjoyed it for I met alot of really nice paople and extreme dog lovers. I certainly hope all of you wonderful people that extended their home and themselves and family all to fit me in for The Holiday’s understand. I feel the need that I have to give something back. While in the hospital I got a bit sicker than I imagined, and to be honest, I prayed so much every day that I would be ready for discharge, and I made a litle promise that if I was blessed enough to get out of there, I would go back to volunteering for others like I did until the big change when Laura moved to Florida…....
Please accept my apology for asking to intrude on anyone’s family holiday though the invitations never made me feel as though I was intruding, actually quite the opposite. Like I said this is an amazing group of people that really supports each other and I am so happy I am a part of it.
You are all an amazing group of caring friends--THANK YOU, 
5 comments)
Thanks for your support -
Dear Patti; You always write straight from the heart, with gratitude and resolve. I’m sure it is a struggle, to not be parenting your children anymore, but you are now going to be their mother confessor, and help them when they too have children to raise. That will be some time and some fun for you. That is what you have to look forward to, and yes I know, I’m sure your kids don’t want to hear about you wanting grandchildren. In any case, you are right about giving back. I have enrolled to volunteer at my hospital which is locally close. I need to feel a part of the community, to help those who need it and to just mix it up a little. I have a lot of friends but this is something quite different. I was going to volunteer at the cancer centre where I am being treated, but changed my mind about going there. I think I need to be where I won’t be reminded so much about cancer, but where people come in for day surgery and need a blanket or cup of something after surgery. Well on that note I think I might go and get a drink myself.
I’m so happy you will be with some friends for your thanksgiving. That is always a time when it is important to not be alone if possible. We take our Thanksgiving to heart up here in Canada. It is earlier than yours (October), but that is when all the veggies are plentiful. We love the tradition. Hopefully you will be blessed with great laughter and fond memories.
Take care Patti.
Weezie
Thanks Weezie,
You always know just what to say. I agree for I worked in the ER and Hospice and I just don’t think that is an area that is a healthy environment for some cancer survivors, but it all depends on each individual. What works for one doesn’t for another. When Laura was Pres. of Student Council I would always purchase plenty of extra can goods and the Student council would spend 2 full days taking food baskets to the needy. Some of the homes she walked into brought her to tears and she was always very humble and grateful for what we had but being involved in that really made her realize how Blessed we really are. Life is Good we just have to watch out for the speed bumps, which can be challenging at times. Enjoy your Holiday and I hope you are feeling well.
Take Care of Weezie,
Patty
Enjoy the Holidays and be blessed
Mac
I do understand. but i dont want you to feel like you were intruding at all. if you were, i wouldnt of said anything. Yes enjoy the holidays! & let me know when u near the NJ area..we can meet up definitely! it’s always good to give back =) lots of love your way – Rachel
Dear Patty,
Please do not apologize for making the decision that is best for you! We would have been happy to have you here, but it sounds like serving at the homeless shelter will feed your soul, so we understand. I hope your experience is wonderful and that you have a beautiful holiday.
I’d like to encourage you to be compassionate with yourself as you adjust to your children being on their own. Your offer to cook for a friend on Thanksgiving was hardly selfish! It was a smart, creative way to solve a problem you’d identified! When that inner voice starts using mean words, just tell her to talk to the hand! You don’t need that, so just refuse to listen to her. Treat yourself like you’d treat a friend. Treat yourself with the compassion with which you treat us!
Peace,
Kathy